Embracing My Inner Dance Goddess

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Mama Gena would be proud.

A few years ago I read a book by Regena Thomashauer called, “Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts” (2002). I remember how cutting edge and liberating her advice was. She had women thinking about their “lady parts” and taught about flirtation as well as other forms of womanly behaviour. Her book’s subtitle, “Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World” was intriguing. Her use of the Goddess theme was empowering and mystical.

Fast forward to 2015, I was reading a book by Dr. Christiane Northrup, “Goddesses Never Age.” (2015). She referred again to our inner Goddess and she also referred to Mama Gena.

I think Mama Gena and Dr. Northrup would both be proud of me. Maybe even Loretta Laroche. Loretta wrote “Juicy Living, Juicy Aging” (2009). She encourages us to do something fun no matter what our age.

Why would they be proud? Because I decided to host a Dancing Diva Pole Party.

I have always been intrigued with pole dancing and pole fitness. I have seen scantily-clad women dancing in strip clubs in the movies. I have also seen videos of pole fitness classes. Those women (and men) are strong! On the extreme end of pole fitness think of the “human flag” performances and pole climbers in Cirque du Soleil. Those gymnasts are strong. (Check out the Florida Pole Fitness Champion of 2014 if you want to see some great pole fitness!)

I posted an Event on Facebook, talked to a few of my friends and my daughter, and we found a few women who were also interested in learning more about pole dancing. I contacted Debbie at Dancing Diva Parties and we set a date.

The Pole Dance Party Begins

As the ladies arrive our instructor Debbie sets up the big silver pole in my living room. It is complete with a stage and two 50 lb. sandbags to keep it stabilized.

As we settle in and sip on our wine, Debbie gave us waivers to sign. Then she explains the “rules” which aren’t really anything out of the ordinary.

She tells us there are typically three types of dancers. The first is a Goddess, the second is a Nun, and the third is in-between. We wonder which one we are. Time will only tell.

We are all given stage names. Mine is “Cherry Poppins.”

“It was fun, empowering and an encouraging environment.” – Sweet Vixen

Debbie says in the next two hours we are going to learn a pole dance routine. We will each receive instruction then take turns learning how to do a few moves.

Top 40 music was suggested and this gets us into the dancing mood. We are told  to think of a favourite song to dance to for our final “performance.”

The lights are dimmed, and I put on my mini laser light show. It makes the room sparkle.

Before we know it, my living room is transformed into an exciting nightclub.

Deciding who is to go first or next depends on each woman’s comfort level. We all take turns being first, being most courageous, being silly and sexy. We encourage each other through our shyness, awkwardness and insecurities. We cheer, clap and laugh. We laugh at ourselves and with each other.

This is an intergenerational event, as there are some moms and daughters. This does create some awkward moments. For example, my daughter (18) doesn’t like it when I make eye contact with her as I dance. So, I tell her for tonight I am not her mom. Instead, I tell her to pretend we are “friends.” Later on, we thought it would have been fun to have the grandmothers there!

“Really fun! I had a great time and felt really comfortable in the environment. Great support and teaching style!” – Dee Cupz

We learn all kinds of new moves, including the following (some are made-up names because I can’t remember them all!):

♦ The Sexy Walk
♦ The Christina Aguilera
♦ Make Love to the Pole
♦ Fan Kick
♦ Leg Hook
♦ Viva Slide
♦ Firefighter Spin
♦ Flamingo
♦ Floor Show including The V

We are encouraged to blow kisses, shake our booty and strut our stuff. We laugh, smile and giggle.

The older women show the younger women that we can be sexual beings and have fun at any age. The older women appreciate the energy and strength combined with innocence and freshness of the younger women. It teaches us that it’s healthy and good to explore and embrace the feminine inner dance Goddess within, no matter what our age.

Finally it is time to pick our songs for our final routine. I pick “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent. My inner dance Goddess is released. I strut, twirl, slide and kick. My encouraging audience throws play money at me as I do my floor show.  I blow kisses at everyone. I feel confident and silly at the same time. I am “outside my comfort zone.” I feel empowered.

After our performances are over, we take some photos. The boas come out. They add a feminine and glamourous touch. I thank Debbie for all her instruction and encouragement.

“It was an amazing time. The lady who ran it made us all feel confident and sexy. It was fun. It was so well put together and enjoyable for everyone, no matter your ability. I would totally do that again.” – Sparkly Juice

A Physical, Fun, and New Experience

Was it a workout? Well, I was a bit stiff the next morning. Maybe my aches were due to all the crazy moves I was trying out. Some ladies were able to do a cross leg hold high up on the pole. Some were really good at the spins. We all were good at having a great time.

In terms of aging well, this is a great (and safe) way to explore, express and celebrate our inner dance Goddess. I encourage learning new things and getting out of our comfort zone. This kind of dancing  helps us embrace our feminine playful spirit at any age. It helps keep us feeling vibrant and alive. It helps boost our confidence. Doing it in a safe, nonthreatening, supportive environment can do wonders for our soul.

“Very fun! Really enjoyed dancing! Good instructor!” – Miss Bootylicious

I would do it again for sure. I am fifty and fearless, perhaps? I would also recommend this type of ladies’ night to anyone who is willing to show off a bit, express her inner dance Goddess, learn something new, share some laughs and have fun.

 

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW
Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

 

 

Interesting, Stimulating and Draining: My first Death Café experience

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So, what do you think of as you are driving to your first Death Café? Well, I can only speak for myself. For me, I started thinking about death, of course.

When I arrived at the first Death Café at Radiance Gifts in Winnipeg, I was greeted by a bouquet of black roses and Tiffany, our friendly facilitator (who used to be a palliative nurse). I was joined by three other women who were also interested in sharing their stories and talking about death and dying. The table was set with skulls, a raven and a beautiful tealight candle. The kettle was on and the smell of cupcakes was in the air. I was intrigued, curious and anxious to get started.

What is a Death Café

Before I go into the actual details of how the evening went, I wanted to share what I was thinking of as I drove to my first Death Café. I was trying to imagine how the two-hour meeting would go. I started thinking of many of the defining or significant death-related events in my life that have helped shape me and help me learn about the meaning of death (and life!). I have been to a few funerals in my lifetime. Some have been more memorable than others. Some have left a lasting impression. Some of my most memorable death-related events haven’t even been funeral-related. Before I get to my Death Cafe experience, I’d like to share a few of those other experiences here.

My first significant experience with death was when I went to a young man’s funeral when I was about 15. He was an acquaintance of mine, and he was a couple of years older. He had died suddenly in an accident. This was the first funeral I had attended and I went with my friends. As we went through the viewing line, I remember seeing his body lying in the casket. For some reason, I decided to place my hand on his hand as a kind and loving gesture. To my surprise and horror, his hand was so cold, hard and lifeless. I was not prepared for that. I was shocked and it haunted me for a long time. I still remember that image and feeling to this day.

Another death-defining moment was when my brother Craig died in 2005. I had to travel by plane to the town where he and my mom were living (from Winnipeg to Gravenhurst). By the time I got there, my mother and I had decided not to see his body. What I did see was his clothes, hat, belt, and wallet. It was a surreal feeling to know this is what he was wearing on the day he collapsed on the sidewalk on his way to the store and I’d never see him again. I had to take charge of the arrangements as my mother couldn’t do it. We decided to cremate him. I was in charge of carrying his ashes from the car to my mom’s apartment. This was another defining moment. To realize my brother’s body had been reduced to ashes and I was carrying him in my arms. To understand the true meaning of how life is so precious, and can be gone in an instant. I went to the United Church and they helped me put together a service for him. It was a Divine experience for me and I felt it was my duty and obligation to send my brother Craig off with a beautiful service.

The first time I saw the devastating effects of grief on my children (in a big way) was when their guinea pig died. I remember laying in our bed, with one on child on each side of me, under the covers. They were both crying and feeling absolutely devastated. We were supposed to go to swimming lessons that night, but I could not see them focusing on their lessons. We decided to stay home and cry and cuddle in bed instead. We had a little backyard ceremony the next day and buried the guinea pig in the backyard. It was my children’s first real experience with death and loss.

df682462331e11b004e5bb1dd542a444My most significant death-related experience was when I was present when my mother-in-law (who died of pancreatic cancer) took her last breath. Although it was a sad time for us, her passing was peaceful. Her son (my husband) was also there. For me, it was a very spiritual experience. It is probably because she was a very spiritual person. She was a devote Catholic, and she held the rosary in her hand up until her last breath. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and pure love come over me the moment she died. I am forever grateful to have been there with her and my husband in that last moment of her life here on earth.

Back to my Death Café experience.

We took turns going around the table sharing what brought us to the Death Café. We all had different reasons for coming. My main reason was because I am a specialist in aging, and death and dying are important aspects of my work. I am also curious about exploring spirituality. I want to know how others view death and dying and I want to expand my understanding about the subject.

The conversation flowed easily. I learned a lot and shared my thoughts. I felt sad for those who were actively grieving, or anticipating losses due to death. We even had a few laughs, which helped us lighten up. Some funny funeral stories were told. Yes, I said funny. It comforted me.

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Death by Chocolate

On the evaluation form, we were asked to describe our experience in three words. I wrote: Interesting, Stimulating and Draining. Interesting isn’t really even the right word here. It was more than interesting. It was eye-opening, surprising and thought-provoking.

The discussions were stimulating. For example, we talked about “post-mortem photography”, personalizing white cremation urns with crayons, and recording burial services with a smartphone so others who can’t attend the service can get closure. We talked a lot about funerals and spirits. Reiki even made it into the conversation.

We talked about different ways the deceased are handled. There are many traditions, and there are many new ways, too. Some people are buried, some are cremated. We talked about organic burial pods that turn into trees, Viking funerals (here’s a video I found that I must warn you has some swear words!). We talked about the billion-dollar funeral industry and how some people are moving towards going green. I also learned how the Chapel Lawn Memorial Gardens and Funeral Home has a very lenient policy regarding urn options (like having the ashes put into a Ukrainian vase with a sugar bowl lid on top).

The draining part for me was listening to all the sad stories that were told of loss and grief. Three of us had lost a brother. Many of us had lost other relatives like grandparents and parents. Empathizing with people seems to come too easily for me. I guess it’s because I am a social worker and trained therapist. I tended to want to help those who were hurting. My heart went out to them.

I used to be deathly afraid of death – that is, my own death. I learned that is/was my ego that fears death. I don’t feel that way so much anymore. What changed me? I watched a TedTalk video that said it’s irrational to fear death. I also had a beautiful first-hand encounter with the death of my mother-in-law. I am living my life to the fullest now, as I know my days on earth are limited. I am comforted knowing and believing my legacy and spirit will live on.

As far as the Death Cafe goes, I enjoyed the cake and refreshments. I had blueberry herbal tea and I think Tiffany was trying to kill us – Death By Chocolate! The chocolate cupcake was divine and I even tried one of the mini vanilla cupcakes. Yummy! (Cake and tea are mandatory for Death Cafes).

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Death Cafe Winnipeg-Radiance Gifts

As takeaways, we each received a pen, a tealight candle and a Radiance Gifts bookmark. I particularly enjoyed the “selenite” crystal candleholder in the centre of the table. It was very angelic. I just may have to get myself one.

I made sure to join the Death Café Winnipeg Facebook group. I am looking forward to having more stimulating and interesting discussions.

If you are interested in attending a Death Café, please consider joining the Facebook group and I hope you get out to one. It will do your body, mind and soul good.

 

Sincerely,

Angela G. Gentile, MSW RSW
Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

 

Edited to reflect corrections: Tiffany used to be a palliative nurse, and it was Chapel Lawn who has the lenient policy on urns, not Neil Bardal.

Communication Skills 101

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Couple Arguing by Ambro, freedigitalphotos.net

Communicating when you are angry, upset or frustrated can be very difficult. Our emotions sometimes get the best of us, and it is very easy for us to point fingers and lay blame on others.

For example, if you are angry at someone for not listening to you, it is tempting to yell out, “Quit ignoring me!” The person will take this as you are blaming them, and it will not end happily.

A little skill that you can try is called,”I-Messages” or “I-Statements.” There are four easy steps, and with practice, it can be done.

Start by getting the person’s attention in a kind way. That may mean tapping them, holding their arm, and asking them to look at you.

Step 1. “I feel…”

Use a feeling word to help the person understand how you are feeling.

Step 2. “When you…”

Describe what the behaviour is that is making you upset.

Step 3. “Because…”

Describe how the behaviour relates to your feelings.

Step 4. “And I’d like…”

State what you would like the person to do instead.

An example would be, “I feel ignored when you keep reading when I talk to you. Your reading shuts me out, and I’d like you to stop reading and look at me when I talk to you.”

This is a great technique that can be used any time.

Angela G. Gentile, MSW RSW
Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

Exploring Meditation, Spirituality and Mindfulness: Satisfying the Curious

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Girl Doing Yoga by ponsuwan

My curiosity has led me to learn more about meditation and the benefits of it. I have read in many books and articles the benefits of this ancient practice. One of my goals for 2016 is to learn more about meditation and how to do it. Anyone can do it at any age.

I invited a teacher (Uday, originally from India) into my home on 11 Feb 2016 and he presented his beliefs of “Self-Realization and Meditation” to my family (four of us) and one of my daughter’s friends. He was at our home for two-and-a-half hours and we learned a lot. At the end we did a 20-minute meditation. It certainly stimulated a lot of thoughts, debate and conversation.

We all had a very different experience. His teachings relate to self-realization with an emphasis on the spirit or soul. He had us think about many things. He encourages us to be human “beings”, versus human “doings.” He praises the benefits of meditation and offers his teachings as a community service to those who are interested.

I’d like to share with you some of what I learned that night and some of the thoughts from others who were at the session.

We are all made up of a body, mind and spirit. Some of us don’t believe in the “spirit” part or haven’t yet made it that far in our spiritual growth journey. I believe some of us may never believe it or get to that spiritual part in our lives. One’s upbringing, beliefs, age, or stage in life will influence and determine what level of spirituality is attained, if any. When I was young, I remember exploring organized religion. I learned about God, Jesus and faith. As I matured, and became more educated, I became more aware of my mortality. I became very conscious of my finite time on earth and started realizing my true purpose and what I really wanted in this lifetime. I called this a “spiritual awakening” and opened my eyes to what is beyond the material desires in life. I started seeing and appreciating the beauty in nature, the miracle of life and all that was good in the world.

To appreciate the concept of “spirit” or “soul,” we explored the question, “Who am I?” Uday says we are not just a body, or a mind. We are more than that. He talked about death. How are we different from animals and other living plants when we die? When we die, our body and mind and all our parts are still physically there, but “we” are gone. He asked us to think about “What is gone?” He taught us that the life force, or spirit energy is the true essence of our being. Amanda, my daughter Simone’s 17-year-old friend said she thought it was interesting to learn “you are not your body, you are your soul who is occupying your body.” My 20-year-old son Lorenzo said he feels he is all the parts put together – “body, mind, consciousness, etc.” He finds the concept of spirit hard to grasp. My mother said my grandmother didn’t believe that we had a spirit, either.

Our teacher also pointed out how humans are different from most other living entities. For example, when animals die we can still use them. We can use plants while they are living, and after they are picked. We eat the cow, we use the leather, we use the wood from the tree, we use the fruit from the plants. For people, there is no use for our bodies once we have died. They are vessels that carry our spirit from the day we are born, until the day we die. That’s the only purpose for our bodies. My son pointed out that our pet dog Rocky is not useful to us after he is gone, so there are some exceptions when it comes to pets.

What is  human life? Our teacher explained that the Life Force is oxygen. Without oxygen we will die. We breathe it in and it is needed for our body to function. He also discussed that in order for life to be possible, there is a perfect balance of the five great elements: fire, earth, water, air, ether. If it was too hot or cold, we’d die. If there wasn’t enough water, we’d die. If there was too much water, we’d drown. He said that for some, Life Force is God. I know some call it the Divine and others call it Source. For others it is Universe. Life energy is whatever you want to call it.

Life is a puzzle. Each life experience has it’s purpose, whether good, bad or indifferent. These are like pieces of a puzzle. It all fits perfectly. Each day, each moment, it’s all part of the bigger picture. We learn how to accept all parts of the puzzle, for without all the pieces, our picture would not be complete.

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Purple Lotus by Panpote

The Lotus – A great analogy for life’s beauty amidst struggles and pain is The Lotus – from sludge, mud and slime, comes a beautiful flower. There is beauty in life no matter how difficult it gets.

Meditation clears the mind.  For me, an analogy for meditating is like having a cluttered or dirty path in front of me, and I am sweeping away the debris and clutter. This is how I see it clearing my mind or my internal being. Our teacher said it’s when the consciousness, subconscious and unconsciousness meet. Amanda found this concept interesting as well. Meditation brings consciousness to the subconscious act of breathing. He said 20 minutes a day is all that is needed. He said if we all meditated for 20 minutes a day for a week, we would all have a different experience. If a thought comes, acknowledge it, then gently turn your attention back to your breathing. For me, I liked to say to myself, “breathing in…breathing out…” He had me light a candle in and we were all asked to look at it. He instructed us to take a deep breath in, hold it for a couple seconds, then breath out and hold it for a couple seconds. Many of us closed our eyes. This eventually becomes more of a habit. The more we meditate, the happier we become. In fact, our teacher said something that really impressed my daughter Simone. He said he was the happiest person he knows! Regular meditation practices helps him control his thoughts and desires of the senses. Simone was also impressed by the fact that he “never gets sick because he can control his body.” Another thing he shared with us is that he weighs the same as he did when he got married over 40 years ago! He ended by saying that meditation experiences will be different for each and every one of us. It’s a very personal experience. Uday said meditating on a regular basis can change you and change your life. It took him about 6 months of practicing meditation on a regular daily basis and it completely changed who he is. It also cured him of his migraines. He still meditates one hour a day.

 

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Waterfalls in Alberta by Angela G. Gentile

 

Our teacher told us to make sure we enjoy what nature has to give us. Go outside. Enjoy the trees, the sky, the earth. He explained that we call our world Mother Earth, because she carries us. I would like to add travel to beautiful places if you are able. We can enjoy different parts of the world and the beauty that is on this earth.

We talked about our fears. He explained how a lot of our fears are learned. My son Lorenzo also added how many of our fears are innate, and they have been necessary for our evolution and are basic survival instincts. For example, we are born with two innate fears – the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Other fears developed naturally in order to ensure our survival. Some of these fears have been carried with us from a long time ago, and are no longer necessary for our survival. Still, other fears are learned and we also develop irrational fears. For further reading, check out this article called, Are We Born to Be Afraid? from Psychology Today.

Dreams are meant to be self-interpreted. Our teacher told us to throw away your dream interpretation books. He says we have to interpret our dreams for ourselves. When we have disturbing dreams, it usually means we are experiencing some mental stress. The more bizarre and disturbing our dreams, the more distressed we are. We all dream, but we don’t all remember our dreams all the time. Here’s an article from PsychCentral That explains How to Analyze Your Dreams (And Why It’s Important).

Lorenzo liked the focus on “being aware of and having more control of your thoughts, something everyone could benefit from.” I remembered I knew about the practice of mindfulness and shared a related meditation with him. This one had no religious or other afiliations. No reference to spirit or soul. He thought this was a more realistic approach to being aware of your thoughts and breathing, and it was nice having a guide talking you through it. If you’d like to check it out, Mindfulness Meditation – Guided 10 Minutes by TheHonestGuys.

My husband Cupp states that “calming the body and mind for 20 minutes a day is a beneficial addition to your daily routine. It’s ‘internal hygiene.’ Things like exercise and brushing your teeth is hygiene for the body. Meditation is like internal hygiene starting in the mind and eventually benefiting the rest of the body. The ability to reach a higher level of consciousness may come in time.”

Our teacher was very enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge and beliefs. At times some of what he was telling us was hard to believe. For example, he said meditation has been clinically proven to cure people of cancer. He also said that there was one yogi who was able to go into a vacuum chamber, was pronounced dead by doctors, then emerged three days later, alive. He claims there are ways that very advanced meditation practitioners can control their subconscious actions such as heartbeat. I’d be open to hearing more about the validity of his claims. Incidentally, my son did a Google search and found an article about a study that debunks this belief – Can Yogis Stop Their Heart?

Every one of us is at different stages of spiritual evolution and we need to be mindful of this. I appreciated the opportunity to learn more about spirit and soul, and meditation, and how the two relate based on the concept of self-realization. I am enjoying my curiosity and openness regarding this subject. Going inward takes a higher level of thinking and consciousness, something most of us find difficult to do. My son and daughter daughter do not buy into the “spirit or soul” idea quite yet. I believe for some this can take years of life experiences in order to fully appreciate the concept. Some are at the self-realization stage already, others are on their way. Some are at the very beginning of their journey. It’s hard for some people to even imagine we have a spirit as it is such an abstract concept. We can’t measure it in the scientific sense. We can’t see it either. For now, we just have to believe.

Namaste,*

Angela G. Gentile, MSW RSW
Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

*Namaste is an ancient Sanskrit greeting still in everyday use in India and especially on the trail in the Nepal Himalaya. Translated roughly, it means “I bow to the God within you”, or “The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you” – a knowing that we are all made from the same One Divine Consciousness. (Urban Dictionary)

For further exploration:

The Spiritual Research Foundation: http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org/

How to chant Aum with Yogi Shanti Desai. Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cudh7lXZw70

Chanting vs. Meditation. An article from the Spiritual Science Research Foundation. http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritual-practice/steps-of-spiritual-practice/chanting/chanting-japa-meditation

How Spiritually Intelligent Are You? Take this quiz and find out. http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=200&surveyID=90

The DASH Diet Younger You – Book Review

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DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) has been named the Best Overall Diet and the Healthiest Diet by U.S. News & World Report for six years in a row. I am a fan of the Mediterranean diet (very similar to DASH) and healthy aging, so I had to pick up this book to see what all the fuss was about.

Marla Heller, MS, RD is a bestselling author and registered dietitian who has written four books on the DASH diet. Heller’s fourth book on the subject, “The DASH Diet Younger You” is written from the perspective that if we follow a DASH diet, and live the DASH lifestyle program, we will help prevent diseases that come with age (hypertension, stroke, dementia, cancer, etc.). Heller does a great job of convincing me that DASH is a great program by highlighting several scientific studies and quite a few testimonials from people who have had success with the program.

The book is full of reminders to eat lots of plant-based foods (and reasons for doing so) and to keep moving. Heller includes a 14-week meal plan complete with recipes (Chapter 8 is loaded with her favourites) and she tells us it’s okay to drink a glass of wine daily. DASH encourages us to choose foods with flavinoids (colourful foods), antioxidants and probiotics. We are discouraged to eat added sugar, added salt and processed foods. In order to help eliminate toxins and help us feel (and look) younger, she says it’s better to eat organic and to choose food that is “clean” or in its natural state.

One of the differences I noticed when comparing the two diets, is that Greek yogurt is preferred by the Mediterranean diet and discouraged in the DASH diet. Heller states she “discourages Greek yogurt…because much of the potassium and calcium is lost during the filtration process, and these are the key mineral you need for the DASH diet to work.” Instead, she recommends low-fat and nonfat dairy and states yogurt is a source of “good bacteria” for your gut.

Overall, the book is easy-to-read, informative and very convincing. The DASH program for a younger you (by lengthening telomeres) appears to be very easy to attain. I plan to implement some of the ideas I learned in this book to my own dietary and lifestyle habits in pursuit of healthy aging.

Watch a video on the subject: DASH Diet with Marla Heller, MS, RD, Preview

You can purchase the book from Amazon. 

 

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW

Specialist in Aging   www.AngelaGGentile.com

 

Self-Compassion by K. Neff – A book review

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In Kristin Neff’s (Ph.D.) self-help book, “Self-Compassion“, she does a great job of explaining the benefits of a healthy level of self-compassion and self-appreciation. She is heavy on the Buddhist philosophy, recognizing that the human experience involves pain and we are all imperfect. Although she says self-esteem and self-compassion go well together, I appreciate how she makes comparisons and explains the differences between the two. She refers to loads of research, including her own, combined with her own personal stories and anecdotes to drive the messages home in a simple-to-understand way.

I appreciate her easy-to-read and personal style of writing. As a social worker, I can see applying these concepts to not only work I do with others, but also to myself. Her exercises provide practical and easy ways to explore self-compassion in a non-threatening way. The “self-compassion mantra” is especially helpful. “Taking care of the caregiver” exercise gives the caregiver many ideas of ways to meet his/her own needs and enhance quality of life (ex. get a massage, take a walk in nature, go dancing). Many other exercises provide tools and examples of how to explore the subject in a personal way.

Overall, this book makes me think about self-compassion, self-care and how we are not really “taught” how to take care of ourselves. It leaves me with more questions and has ignited my interest and curiosity in the subject.

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW
Author/Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

Resident-to-Resident Deaths In Long-Term Care Homes

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Photo credit: “Old Woman” by Graur Razvan Ionut, Freedigitalphotos.net

Calling for Violence-Free Nursing Homes

I have spent a great deal of my career working in care facilities for older adults. Although the name of this type of institution changes, the purpose for these types of facilities is always the same.

Nursing Homes, Residential Care Facilities, Supportive Housing, Personal Care Homes are terms used to describe facilitates and housing environments where older adults with physical and/or cognitive impairments are housed together in a communal setting. This is the “last resort” for many, as we know most people would prefer to live in their own homes. These “Homes” provide 24-hour care and supervision, and usually includes skilled nursing care.

Many people who live in these facilities have Alzheimer’s or some other related form of dementia (or neurocognitive disorder -that’s the new term now). Behaviour problems can result and sometimes residents who have dementia can cause harm to others, and sometimes it results in death. I have taken a particular interest in this subject and have studied and written on it.

I was thrilled when I saw an editorial written for JAMDA, calling for more research, policy and prevention in this area. Eilon Caspi, BSW, MA, PhD, writes “Deaths as a Result of Resident-to-Resident Altercations in Dementia in Long-Term Care Homes: A Need for Research, Policy and Prevention” in the Journal of the Medical Directors Association (January 2016). I also saw that Dr. Caspi had referenced our work on the “Seeking Action for Safety in Long-Term Care Facilities” advocacy and information website I maintain along with my social work colleagues Eleanor Silverberg and Victoria Brewster.

I invite you to join us in our quest to end violence in long-term care facilities. Please contact me if you have any concerns, questions or ideas.

Regards,

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW

http://www.AngelaGGentile.com

 

Blogs and Newsletters I Follow

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I have been following a number of great bloggers over the years. These writers have been posting about issues related to aging and I appreciate their positive and proactive take on growing older. Sometimes they are amusing, sometimes they are educational. Usually they are insightful and entertaining.

I also subscribe to a few newsletters related to aging and elder care. This is a great way to keep up with current topics.

I receive their posts and newsletters directly to my email inbox. It’s very convenient.

Please consider signing up to receive these blog posts and newsletters. I am sure they would be thrilled to see new followers. Here are my favourites in no particular order:

Blogs:

Time Goes By: What it’s really like to get old by Ronni Bennett

The Generation Above Me by Karen D. Austin

Lines of Beauty: A blog about aging naturally, one wrinkle at a time by Louise Cady Fernandes

Aging Investors by Dr. Mikol Davis and Carol Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney

Aging But Dangerous

Points of Life org

Newsletters:

Caregiving Matters

Dementia News and Knowledge by Karen Tyrell, Personalized Dementia Solutions

Comforts Connection by Comforts of Home Care

Senior Living from A Place for Mom

The Caregiver’s Voice by Brenda Avadian

ElderCare Matters

Prime Women

Coming of Age NYC

Help for Dedicated Caregivers by Maria Marley, Ph.D.

My Elder Advocate by Jack Halpern, CEO

AlzLive: For those who care

SMARTLiving365

The Taos Institute – Positive Aging Newsletter

 

Have something to add? Please let me know.

Have a great day!

Angela G. Gentile, MSW RSW

Specialist in Aging

http://www.angelaggentile.com

Aging Well Reading List by Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW (2015)

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Here is a collection of books I have found helpful regarding aging well and I would recommend:

Altoonian, Linda (2009). Living Agelessly: Creating a Lifestyle for Midlife and Beyond.

Campbell, Lori (2013). Awaken Your AgePotential: Exploring Chosen Paths of Thrivers.

Fonda, Jane (2011). Prime Time: Love, health, sex, fitness, friendship, spirit. Making the most of all of your life.

Hill, Robert D. (2008). Seven Strategies for Positive Aging.

Karpf, Anne (2014). How to Age.

LaRoche, Loretta (2007). Juicy Living, Juicy Aging: Kick Up Your Heels…Before You’re
Too Short to Wear Them.

Life Planning Network (2013). Live Smart After 50! The Experts’ Guide to Life Planning
for Uncertain Times.

Pfeiffer, Eric, M.D.(2013). Winning Strategies for Successful Aging.

Scarcello, Jaki (2010). Fifty and Fabulous! The Best Years of a Woman’s Life.

Snowdon, David, Ph. D. (2001). Aging with Grace: What the nun study teaches us
about leading longer, healthier, and more meaningful lives.

513AjYwrTQL._SX326_BO1,204,203,200_Townsend Winter, Cheryl, Dr. (2013). The Aging Gracefully Pathway: A Toolkit for the Journey.

Vaillant, George M.D. (2002). Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life from the Landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development.

Weil, Andrew M.D. (2007). Healthy Aging: A Lifelong Guide to Your Well-Being.

Whyte, John (2011). Is this Normal? The Essential Guide to Middle Age and Beyond.

Wilder, Barbara (2005). Embracing Your Power Woman: Coming of Age in the Second Half of Life.

For more information: www.AngelaGGentile.com
email: CaretoAge@gmail.com phone: (204) 298-1012

50 Plus Living Show – Winnipeg Review

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IMG_2442On Sunday October 18, 2015 I attended the 50 Plus Living Show in Winnipeg. It is “The Show Designed with Baby Boomers and Seniors in Mind.” It was held at the Assiniboia Downs Saturday 10-5pm, and Sunday 11-5pm. Parking for the event was $5.00, but when I presented my parking voucher at the front door, they took it and and that was my entry into the event. I was there for over three hours!

There were many tables on skin care (anti-aging), travel, financial/wealth management, and home health products. There were also a number of other different and interesting services and products such as realtors, health supplements, and jewelry. There were three rows with tables on each side, the length of the building. I estimate about 45 tables. There was also entertainment and speakers.

I picked up many brochures and received many free treats such as chocolate candies and Werther’s. I even got a bottle of water and an apple and some hand sanitizer. Many tables were giving out nice pens, too. I had my back scanned by a chiropractor, and tried samples of skin care products. I even got a sitting shoulder and back massage!

I entered many free draws, there was even a draw for an Apple Watch!

Here are some of the tables (and people) I visited and/or chatted with (in no particular order):

  • Canada One Travel (Evelyn Sinclair, MCC Cruise Specialist). http://canadaone.travel
  • Riverwood Square (Lindsay Girouard, Health and Wellness Director). www.riverwoodsquare.com
  • Edward Jones: Making Sense of Investing (Blake Abbott, Financial Advisor). www.edwardjones.com
  • Dignity Memorial (Robert “Bob” Hughes, Family Services Counselor). Ph: 204-222-3241
  • Rodan & Fields Skincare Solutions (Linda Russell). www.ltrussell.myrandf.com/ca
  • Liberty Athletic and Medical Supplies. www.libertymed.ca
  • We Care Home Health Services (Pam Fox, Regional Manager, Community Relations Manitoba). www.wecare.ca
  • Heat in a Click (Adam Sawyer).  www.heatinaclick.com/ca 
  • Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation (I purchased two $5.00 tickets to St. Vital Centre’s Behind Closed Doors Sale on Sat. Nov. 14, 2015 from 7pm – 10:30pm).  www.cbcf.org
  • Nerium International Skincare (Jessica Heathcote). http://jheathcote.nerium.com
  • Dr. Kimberly Barton of Canteenwala Chiropractic (I had a free posture scan done). www.canteenwalachiropractic.com
  • PopRx – A Free Pharmacy/Medication Tool App. They were featured on Dragon’s Den. (I entered to win an Apple Watch!) www.poprx.ca
  • Young Living Essential Oils (Taralyn Eddy).  I entered to win a travel pack! www.essentiallygrowing.com
  • Heritage Massage Health Made by Hand. I had a free shoulder and back massage, sitting in a massage chair! 1297 Jefferson Ave. Ph: 204-632-4080
  • Synergy Elite Health (Ortho-Bionomy – Mary Thiessen). I had a free Wellness Test Report – but my fingers were too cold for it to work. It shows how much plaque is built up in your arteries. I tasted a sample of her Proargi-9+. It was good. www.marbensales.ca  and www.theNOeffect.com
  • Thrive by Le-Vel (Wilma Fuchs, Brand Promoter). http://wfuchs.Le-Vel.com
  • Timeshare Exit Team. timeshareexitteam.com (The representative said if I find someone who wants to sell their timeshare and I refer them, I get $150.00!)
  • Carolyn Menaar, Realty Executives First Choice. She has a Senior Real Estate Specialist Designation. Ph: 204-885-8999
  •      Carolyn gave me a brochure on Top 10 Aging in Place Design Tips from Two30Nine Living Space Solutions by Decor in Morden, Manitoba www.two30nine.com
  • Nucerity International Skincare (Tricia Soucy-Phillips).  www.triciarae.mynucerity.biz/nuca
  • Epicure. www.patmyron.myepicure.com
  • Clarity Over Clutter (Suan Macaulay).  www.clarityoverclutter.ca
  • National Bank Financial Wealth Management (Clinton Orr). www.nbfwm.ca
  • Cardio Screens Lifeline to Health (Rick Drury). www.scoopandsave.com
  • Sell Off Vacations Lowest Price Guaranteed. www.selloffvacations.com
  • Thirty-One Gifts Canada (Rachael MacDonald)
  • WestCare Health Supplies Ltd.; Abena Canadian Distributor. (Sharon Ponton-Ezako, Incontinence Specialist).  www.westcarehealthsupplies.com
  • CARP – A new vision of aging for Canada (Rene Lewis, Co-Chair Winnipeg West Chapter #47) www.carp.ca
  • Manitoba Association of Senior Centres (Connie Newman, Executive Director) www.manitobaseniorcentres.com
  • Kennedy Cognitive Services, Inc. www.kennedycognitive.com
  • Winnipeg Free Press (Julie Klym, Kiosk Manager)

There were a few other tables that I didn’t get to, such as Juenesse (http://www.agelessiq.com/) and Investor’s Group and some other skin care tables. There was also a group promoting a new housing community in Dugald.

I made some great business-to-business connections and learned a lot about what the 50+ crowd is looking forward to (I turn 50 in 5 months). Seems like travelling, financial management and avoiding wrinkles wins the prize. 🙂

I am looking forward to enjoying my new connections and learning more about the above-noted services and products. I will definitely attend and network again next year!

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW